Place of Refuge

Place of Refuge

23 April 2010

An Abuser is. . .

An abuser is a one who has been abused.
It is a one who has been held in violent positions
and had violent things done to them.
.  .  . . .things that tore away at the very core of their being.

And if the core of the abuser's being is good,
(which most likely it is,
because all humans are essentially
So if the core of their being is good,
the abuser will hide the abuses they commit,
because they understand
what goodness truly is.

And sometimes they get angry at goodness, and want to do
horrible things to it
because the abuser's good core has been abused
and he wants everyone to be as bad
as he or she
himself or herself
to be.

That is the logic of an abuser.
It's hard for us to understand
that his intents have
always been good.

Always grounded in the good.

How much an abuser can or will abuse is directly proportionate to how much
the abuser has been abused.

So if the abuser has been damaged
torn to his very core
by the abuse of another,

he doesn't even remember
what goodness is.
He has to imitate it
and hope
he gets it right.

After living as many centuries as I have,
I know this well,
for I am a woman.  And
most women
spend a large portion of their lives
with abusers.  Abusers masquerading as men
and scared to death that someone will find out

they were abused.
Because to be abused is to NOT be treated as
To be abused is to NOT
be treated as equal.
To be abused is
to be treated
as an equal part,
to be treated
at all
but rather to be insulted
to be ignored
to be
or perhaps
not to be

That is what it is
to be abused.

And only someone who has had that script
committed to their bodies,
committed to their brains
could in turn abuse with such intensity,
could abuse so much
that they would like to kill.
For killing is the response
to the ultimate abuse.
In other words:
if one has been
so abused
that they wanted to die
they will abuse til
their victim wants to die
or until
they are

So think of it this way
like a palindrome,
and our bodies
are the template
for our thoughts
and our souls.

And the actions
that are performed
on our bodies
are the actions that
are inscribed onto our souls

which are the vessels of thought.
Thought is the matter that is produced
when the body and the soul

Thoughts guide our bodies.

Now this is a huge logical chain that you really have to be following with me.
The way I'm writing this is so
antithetical to the way
a person should write on the internet. 

So if you've been with me this long
and you still understand, I wonder
 if that means you would say I'm smart

Or am I crazy?  Am I walking so close to the edges
of my brain that I've produced another reality
completely?  Isn't that what it is,
to be crazy?  To live so fully in another
reality, that you don't realize any more that
it isn't real?

Is that crazy?

It's kind of strange because I see another palindrome
in that too.   And this one is pushing outwards
because the brain has two sides, you see.
And at the center of the brain
is a thin shimmering line
that is a mirror.

A mirror is a technology
(and an old one at that)
that imitates the mirror in
our minds.

at the center of our minds
is a primoridal mirror
that helps
us witness
the continual repetition
of god's initial encounter
with god's self. 
or rather, it helps
us witness
the continual repetition
of the initial encounter between
God's two halves.

And it will keep functioning that way
until we recognize that
that is in fact
what we are supposed to be doing.

At the fall of man
we were torn asunder.

Our downfall was that we wanted
to see ourselves.

Our reparation comes when we recognize
that this is true.

Let me tell you the story
of the Fall of Man,
according to Makropoulos:

(that by the way, is the blog entry that precedes this one, and I beg you to refer to it to maybe even help you understand this one.)

When God saw himself, we saw the physical form of
the woman, which is by far the more beautiful
half of humanity, because she has the responsibility
of imitating god
she has the responsibility of
the creator
she is the face
 of the creator

woman is the creative force

the ALL

that you see and desire to see;

the man IS the mirror,

the one with

the capacity to reflect

half of


In addition

. . . . the man is also

The Other Half

of God,

the element he produced so

He could

reproduce himself.

This is not to put down


or mirrors,

but rather it is to make it clear that

the male half

has a few different functions:

it helps the female half

see how extraordinarily beautiful


that is . . . the beautiful thing that is God


But also,
since god is imperfect as long as she is divided
and looking at herself,
it was most efficient to produce a mirroring device
that had two functions.

God does, after all, have a little German in him; she is quite economical in design concepts.

So the mirror also had the physical capacity to reproduce the disparate body that was once

the double of God,

until the two of them figured out

what the hell is going on.

Why are you over there

and me over here?

And why am I

a woman?

why am I


why was I


to live




Because I have to tell this tale.

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