Place of Refuge

Place of Refuge
Showing posts with label child. Show all posts
Showing posts with label child. Show all posts

11 January 2012

Hear and Know


Somedays I wake up,
and my being is here,
so totally
pressed up against my inner flesh
like a child against a window:
whole being, flat
wanting
to get to the other side
no matter
what harm lies there.

These days I relish like a fresh cup
of coffee,
and I drink them slow - - -


Then
                                   Other days
I wake to find
the self is in bondage
                                                          somewhere deep inside,
perhaps 
                                                on the other side
                                                          where all selves merge.
Lost in the language,
the cacophony of vowels and 
                                   full stops,
I maneuver the day, a robot
wishing for immediacy,
aware of inadequacy.

Such days
only love
can bring me home,
can bring me here;
                                     we share
                                     a touch
                                       we share
                                           a glance ---

we owe each other
a lifeline back to the moment
if we recognize another wandering,
lost in space.


These words are my hands --
the vowels my eyes
seeking to anchor you
here
             and
now.


Here and Now
Hear and Know
Here and Now

13 September 2011

unfinished symphony




Child of mine,
torn
from my gut
before
you could ever draw
the sharp breath of life,

Torn
by my grief and his
greed, left to
bleed
for months on end ---
my aching womb
the only sign
of you.

Ah, to see
your face.

And I, now
damned
to live on the sidelines
of other families' lives,
feeling their love
so deeply,
loving them
so deeply,
yet never quite able
to be one.

Child of mind,
my guilty sadness,
my unfinished symphony --
every note I sing
I sing
                       for you.



Ah,


to see

your face.






15 May 2011

Body and Soul


"You don't have a soul; you are a soul.
You have a body."
C. S. Lewis

I was at a religious service this morning
that was wholly based upon the above quote.
And I can't agree with it more.

And I just had to post it here.
Those of you who have waded through
some of my past entries, may recall what I've said about our bodies
as our avatars, in the very same sense that humans slipped into other wordly
skin in the film Avatar.  
And that is, 
fundamentally,
what Lewis is saying above.

Specifically, it reminds me of something that I,
Makropoulos,
wrote in a much earlier entry on Second Life:

"You see, I feel that I'm already
in an avatar. 
This body,
I live in,
is my earthly
avatar,
it's the form I chose
to use for 
this stretch of time
on this earthly domain.

I have enough trouble,
and enough fun,
negotiating this earthly
avatar,
why the hell would I need another?"
 And I really believe this is true.
We are spiritual essences,
sent to spend a little time
in the material domain.


We're sort of sent on a mission,
the same way the humans were sent on missions
in the film Avatar.
This is why I thought that film
was pretty fabulous,
but also pretty funny,
because it had humans
getting into another form
so they could return to the garden,
so to speak. 
(I write about that elsewhere, too.  Please follow links
to the word "avatar" on the side or below
if you want to see more
of my rambling thoughts
on this.)



The humour of it all is two-fold:
#1: I really believe we are already in avatars,  Our avatar
is a human body.  My cat's avatar is a feline body.  But we are all 
part of the same shared spirit that is our origin.  (So why the hell put on 
another avatar, if you're already in one?)

#2:  Notably, when we were put into these human avatars,
we were already in The Garden. The problem is:
we got caught up in thinking that The Garden,
and Our Bodies (aka: Avatars) constitute Everything,
when in fact they're just constituents of a Larger Whole
(that no human could perceive.)  But of course
we as Humans
have fucked up our Earthly Paradise so much
thinking that we were the Be-All and End-All,
and so now we make movies about 
putting on primitive avatars
so we can live in The Garden,
again.
 ~ ~

"You don't have a soul; you are a soul.
You have a body."
C. S. Lewis
 
~ ~

At church (OK, yes, it was a church,
to be specific:
)
this morning,
they welcomed a new child
into the assembly.

Now, as a 425 year old Greek Woman;
I was raised in a Christian Tradition,
being born into the Orthodox --
I have moved around,
from country to country,
and in each one, sought the Church
where I could celebrate my personal beliefs
publically, and comfortably:
I was only Orthodox until I discovered the Jesuits,
and then I had to become Roman.
I longed to be
a Jesuit Priest.
No, not a nun,
a priest.  I could tolerate not being able to marry
if I could think the thoughts of a priest.
When I told any Jesuit Priest my desires, they would always draw away in fear)
I was Roman Catholic for Centuries.
Then I married an Englishman and went Anglican;
then I lived in Turkey and contemplated Islam.
It did not frighten me.
In many ways, the study of Kabbalah and the Sufi tradition best
acknowledge my personal beliefs.

But for now, I'm trying Unitarianism,
occasionally visiting a Sufi group
nearby --)

Today, I witnessed for the second time only,
a Unitarian "baptism"
Yes, they use water,
but not in any startling way:
the Minister holds a white rose,
and presents it to the child
before dipping it into the water,
and touching it to the child's head.

Today,
as the Minister held the rose
out towards the baby boy,
the child reached out,
and grabbed the stem of the rose firmly.
He clearly knew it was for him.
And the Minister,
wisely,
said: "may you grab every opportunity life gives you
with equal energy and certainty."

And I thought:
that Child will, for
that Child's will 
is ingrained in
his Soul (Soul aka; Spiritual Essence),
that Substance that Combined
and entered
His Chubby Fleshy Avatar
is a bold one.
That is who he is.

Which reminded me
of another belief
that I firmly hold:
we are each our Essential Self
at the time of our birth,
and as children,
we act out our truthfulness
in every gesture and sound we make.

It is the Process
of becoming part of society
that messes us up,
beginning
with loving,
with parenting,
then schooling,
then friending,
then loving,
then working,
then hating,
then mating, 
then loving,
then reproducing,
then loving,
then playing,
then aging.

The soul inside of you,
the Spiritual Essence that is 
the Real You
(not to be confused with your body,
which is rather randomly chosen)
is the child in you.


And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven (The Bible. Matthew 18:3 ).New Living Translation (©2007)
The Child in Me is Gentle;
the Child
in Me is Quiet
and Kind.
I had not encountered her
for a long time,
until a few years ago,
when I fell
childishly in love
with a man who
 appeared to do the same
with me.
But it was
a beautiful love
partly because it helped me rediscover
the Child in Me; I was
wholly and fully
myself
with him,
and I could not figure out
why I hadn't found My Inner Child before,
since I'd been there all along.
It was the simplest thing in the world,
yet it was the hardest.  Because society
would belittle, and does belittle, the 
Common Sense of The Child.
But in fact, 
the Common Sense of The Child
is equal to
the Common Sense of the Essential Spirit.
So,
to return to one's childishness
is to return
to one's Essential Self,
the Self
we were meant to be
in The Garden,
before we went and messed it all up.
 ( dailymail )
It's that easy:
find the Child in You,
and be True 
to it.
But it's also very very hard:
for to find 
The Child in You,
you must be able to distinguish Who
You were before
a parent first called you "stupid"
or told you not to pick your nose,
or reprimanded you for talking to loud,
or for chewing with your mouth
open.
That's right:
you must find the You
you were before
someone broke your heart the first time,
or lied to you,
or yelled at you for picking their flowers,
or raped you
or beat you
or didn't feed you
or locked you in a room.
I found my Essential Me,
My Child,
and Shared My Childish Love
with one who I thought felt the same
in return.
Unfortunately,
my lover
grew jealous and angry
and worked very hard
to hurt Me,
and succeeded.
(Yes, he acted like a child.)
And now my Child cowers
behind a door in my Heart,
afraid to come out again.
Any human who has had that experience
I describe above
has trouble finding their Child;
and if Your Child 
has been hurt many many times,
it is hiding even deeper inside of you
as a child would do.
But it's still there.
(And don't forget--
this Child is the Essential You,
the Spiritual You
that moved into your body
at birth)
Am I still angry at my lover?
No.
Only hurt.
Deeply hurt.
I don't blame him,
because I really believe
that the only way his 
Inner Child could Justify
hurting another Child
would be because he was
hurt so so much as a child.
He was abused
as no child should have been 
abused,
and in his knowledge
that the abuse he received
was unjustified, he feels a need
to impose it on Other Children,
so he won't feel so much
like a freak.
But he's not a freak.
He's a Child; he's a sad sad spirit
whose fate in this lifetime
was to live in an avatar
that others abuse
continually.
I don't blame him;
I can only love him
still,
and pray for him,
and hope his Inner Child
was not hurt so badly
that it is eternally lost to itself. 



"You don't have a soul; you are a soul.
You have a body."
C. S. Lewis

02 February 2011

enter the Age of Comedy



It's time for us to end
The Age of Tragedy;
we've been living in it
far too long.

Now, you wonder,
what on God's earth 
does she mean, but you know
this verbious chick will tell you
that, and more.
Furthermore, perhaps you
(like I) are beginning to wonder 
if I ever laugh.
Those last two entries were
dark, and darker still.

But in fact,
I crack a smile on many occasions, and my laugh
is loud.  I love the rush of fresh air
that comes with laughing,
and the way it loosens my clamped
jaw.  This is why
I write this entry:
~ ~ 

We've been living in the Age
of Tragedy 
for far too long.

Now the word "tragedy" can be defined
in a number of ways; I talk
to my students about this a lot,
and here, as in the classroom,
I define it in its most classical sense,
the way Aristotle did:

Tragedy, then, is an imitation of an action that is serious, complete, and of a certain magnitude; in language embellished with each kind of artistic ornament, the several kinds being found in separate parts of the play; in the form of action, not of narrative; through pity and fear effecting the proper purgation of these emotions.  (Poetics)

Thus, 
as you can see,
tragedy is all about
plot and performance.
Its single, ill-fated action
does unfold in narrative time,
enacted by humans
(Notably, according to Aristotle,
the most suitable tragic heroes are men)
while others witness,
watching one man, one great man
make one great
big
stupid mistake.


We, the onlookers,
are supposed to benefit from watching
that fatal error.  We're supposed to be purged
of our own sadnesses and nasty desires,
learn a vital lesson,
and get on with living,
civilly.


Over time, dramatists like Shakespeare
added a second plot,
and even women;
dear Arthur Miller made sure
the Common Man could share
in the carnage, and August
Wilson painted it black.


Tragedy, for thousands of years,
has, ultimately, held the place of choice
in our dramatic fayre.


~ ~ ~ 

Now, I'll take a logical step here
that asks you to apply some of my other ramblings:

Narrative time 
is Real time; 
Narrative time
is All Time.
A distinctive feature of
Narrative time
is that it has a clear
beginning, middle and end
(aka: birth, life, death);
its dominant message
can be summarized
in stories.
Narrative time is the time
we live in.  Lives unfold around
us, patterned by established patterns
we have come to call History.

We live in narrative time.
We --         
----- each of us ---
write our stories with each step
we take, each word we 
utter, each heart we
break.  Of course, when we get
to the end of our stories, and
look back at them,
we just remember
the highest highs and the lowest
lows, editing out the daily trips
to the bathroom.

On some level, we all know
that this is what we are doing
in our lives:
creating our own stories.
This is why we 
go to college, 
get married,
get promoted
have children
get divorced
go on journeys
retire
:
all of these acts provide chapters
in the narrative of our lives
and lead us to place we think
we'd like to be
in the end,
as we face our end.

Sometimes, we feel the need
to edit our stories, with lies
and omissions,
we convince ourselves that we
are always right,
believing that when we review
it all at the end,
the lies will have the power to erase
our biggest transgressions.

Unfortunately, I tend to think that in the story
we will witness at the end, when
we confront that unflinching mirror
of death, those lies and denials will apear
just as that: 
lies and denials.
(ex: she had an abortion
and told everyone
she lost the child
or
he cheated on his fathful wife
and when his wife suspected, he convinced her
she had an overactive thyroid
to divert her attention. .  . 
That's how the lies will appear to us.
The mirror that divides
this world from the next
captures each of our actions
unflinchingly.

Anyway, I can see my own pen meandering.
Back to my point:
we live in narrative time
and each of our lives,
so distinctly framed by
a beginning and an end,
all contain a series of plots.

~ ~ ~ 

Now, a bit over a year ago,
I wrote an entry that referred to the idea
that there are 36 recognized plots
in drama (or so some critics
say), and every play
can be summarized by one
of those plots.

Notably, they're all Tragedies.

In that earlier entry I wondered if the same
could be said of our lives.
At that time my own life
seemed to be catapulting
down a pre-ordained path
that could only end tragically,
and quite frankly, 
I didn't like it.  I felt fated,
and I refused to accept that version
of my own story.
In the time since,
I have reclaimed power over the direction
my feet are tracing, but I'm still 
unsure of the ending.
But aren't we all?
That truly is the part of each
of our stories
we generally have little power over.

Anyway, at that time, I considered how perhaps
our lives follow
pre-ordained, repeated plots,
that traverse this earth in cycles,
unrecognized until the end, when
we come face to face 
with the plot we accepted,
and lived,
trudgingly,
in this lifetime.
Thinking we couldn't change it,
we followed the footsteps of those
who came before.

And the dominant genre,
the favored genre 
of the past 2,500 years or so,
has been Tragedy.

Just look at it:
the blood spattered across the lines
our feet have traced, 
collectively and individually.
Even the story of Jesus
is a tragedy : He saves us
in a self-sacrificial gesture; He
provides us all with a text we repeat
annually,
a text that documents humanity's greatest sin:
the Sin of Killing Innocence.
A sin we keep committing,
over and over.

Who is the Hero in that?

* * *

Notably, the joy in the story of Jesus
comes from two places:
in the insistence of the primacy of Love
and
in an act that, in other circumstances
would be called "magic."
He rose from the dead:
magic.
And, arguably,
Comic.

 ( utexas )

 Now, quite frankly,
one is more likely
to encounter
magic,
rebirth,
restoration of order
and a celebration of Love
in a Comedy.

Aristotle, by the way,
appeared to disapprove
of Comedy.  
This is what he had to say about it:

Comedy is, as we have said, an imitation of characters of a lower type- not, however, in the full sense of the word bad, the ludicrous being merely a subdivision of the ugly. It consists in some defect or ugliness which is not painful or destructive. To take an obvious example, the comic mask is ugly and distorted, but does not imply pain. 

Aristotle did grant women a place 
in Comedy.


~ ~ ~ ~

Now the thesis of this rambling blog entry is 
that we should have done with 
The Age of Tragedy
and commence
with Comedy
(or at least the Tragic-Comic,
which acknowledges that life has elements
of both.)

I propose (as I have said) that each 
of our lives follows a path,
a path we choose;
our feet are our pens,
their markings, ink, indelibly
etched across the pages of earthly time.

Unfortunately, I propose,
collectively humanity keeps following in the previous
generations' paths, wearing them deep into the brow
of human memory,
so deep we seem to have 
no other option.

Those paths are painfully tragic,
and sad, full of mistakes that we could not accept,
as we are
as blind as Oedipus before his 
eyelessness.


It's time,
I think, to have done
with the Tragic Plots that History
continually replays; 
we've become too obsessed with gore,
titilated by catharsis so much so
that we've lost sight
of the lessons we are supposed to be learning,
all because we,
the potential heroes, 
keep lying, from age to age, refusing
to accept responsibility for the sins
we've committed.



The lesson I've learned in my multiple lives
is
that you cannot hide from yourself.
Ultimately, when the crowd is gone,
when you face your own silence,
the truths are always there.

The only way out of the lies that cloak our vision
is to tell our own truths,
first to ourselves,
and then to those we've deceived,
always remembering
that only (s)he without sin
can cast 
the first stone.


So let's imagine the majority of humanity
decided to do this.
The only humans who should qualify as judges
in this collective, individual confessional
will be
children, with the average age 
of three.
If they heard all these stories
of our indiscretions
they would laugh at the foolishness
of humanity before them,
they would cry a little too,
but finally,
thank us for finally telling them
the truth,

and they'll still love us,
because we taught them well.


Jesus will come again
at the very instant 
the Age of Comedy dawns,
at the crack of the collective human laugh
at our own foibles
and clumsiness,
at the bursting of
collective love
that refuses to lie
ever again.

Jesus will be there,
covering the earth like a blanket,
his smile glimmering in the stories
that we've each told, 
and in our final realization that WE 
have the power to end the Tragedy
as Comedy.

05 January 2011

Listen To The Children: A Channelling

*

Listen to the Children


My nephew               
           is 3
                        and
his mother is Greek.

My nephew
      is
              Greek.

My mother
      is
                   not.
She lives
    in
            Ohio.

And she doesn't know what
my peaceful,
placid,
artistic brother -
her son -
and father to my Greek nephew
is going to do
about his strongwilled,
mother-loving                            
son,
                        who is more Greek than American.

My mother's fear
        is that my brother
and sister-      
in-law   
will decide

that the best place to be 
                   is Greece.

Greece was built
for my nephew,  
                and
my nephew built
for Greece.          
(photo by Makropoulos)
 
But it is likely
our families
will partake in
a miserable,
soul destroying
tug-of-war           
over where
my brother, his wife, & their son
who is Greek
will live,
over how                   
that threesome
should negotiate
two mothers on two
continents.

So my nephew will be
a very unhappy boy
in a very unhappy family
in the 
United States of America.

* *


I really believe
that our children
at the instant they step
screamingly into
               life on earth,
know
what they need
to be the best
they can be.

The quality of their scream
                            echos
the urgency with which
their needs need
to be met.

Listen to their screams;
listen
to the patterns of their early
                         inclinations
and follow them;

do not ask them
to follow you.

If you do,
you'll have disaster
 or                              
you'll have life as we now know it.

* * *

Our children are
our evolution; they
are our better selves --

If we listen
to them closely
at the instant of their births,
we will hear
the nature
of the evolutionary step
that we are challeneged 
to accomplish in this lifetime.

Our children are our guides.

Many of us are dumb and deaf
to their demands
and we instead force the child
into our demands,

because the challenge of arising
to the nature of their 
call                                 
is so massive,
so               far
outside who we are at that moment
when we first meet them.

A parent's job
is to guide
the child,
using the rudder provided 
by our collective ethical history of life on earth,
but 
a parent's job
is also to yield
to the powerful calling
of his/her young:

to take all the steps necessary 
to make the child
the person she or he
was born to be.

That's a huge responsibility,
and it is
responsibility
at its utmost.

4.

listen to the children!!


even if they say:
                 I am Greek,
and you
                 are Turkish.

Move to Greece,
and learn to love
                 the Greeks.

You Can!
Love Them!!
And in loving them,
you will find
the salvation that you need:

Listen to the Children!!! 



03 October 2010

Tyler Clementi, RIP

I can't say this is a channelling,
but it's felt from the heart.

It's about a story that's very,

very

sad:


First,

I want to send my deepest sympathy

to the family of this young man,

and to the families of all the young people

who have taken their lives

in the U.S.A.

over the past month

(and, really, over the past several years)
because foolish,
childish
people
scorned them for being different.

(I would like to say something about gay bashing,
but will reserve another entry for that.
Suffice it to say,
for now,
that this is the most
homophobic age
that history has ever seen,
and we absolutely need
to start admitting
that physical, sexual desire
does not fit neatly
into one simple mold.
And
if a man and a man
want to be together,
or a woman and a woman,
well,
it's no big deal. 
I mean, really:
who is it hurting,
if they are together,
in the comfort 
and privacy
of their own home?
If we just accept that,
and get on with it,
then we might be able to begin
to curb
damaging perversions
that have been spawned by our age
of confusion,
during which
the media seems to embrace many sexualities
but at the same time
silently enforces
homophobia.)

~ ~ ~

This incident just goes to show how skewed the morals

and the logic

of the youth of the 

United States have become.

Seriously.

The only thing more upsetting than this video

and this story

is some of the comments posted on YouTube after it.

*/.

You might say
that it was just children who did this
-- evil children --
Well, but we must
take responsibility for our children.
The words that tumble

from a child's lips
and the actions
they perform
are reflections of the words
and actions
that child learns
at home.



Consider these videos,
which I also found

on

YouTube:




I don't mean to be a prude,
but there's just something really wrong here.

This may be just words,

language,

but where can it go?
The young man who 
broadcast his roommate's sexual acts

is home now, and reportedly,

doesn't understand 

what's going on.

He doesn't understand that he destroyed

another young man's life.

And how much money will his parents pay

to get him out of jail, free?

~ ~ `~ ~

America,

what have we become?

The land of freedom of speech,

the dream of our forefathers

has become a world where 

"freedom"

means the ability

and right

to play games with other people's lives,

and to scorn and mock those

who are different 

from our limited, little selves,

while across the world,

our sons and daughters

and other innocent

sons and daughters

keep dying

in a war that will never end.

I love America,

but I, too,

am afraid of it.

11 September 2010

AbusesubA

The reverse of the abuse is
love


The initial abuse occured
when
for a split second

God
or the representation of god
that was produced so god
could see what he
or she
looked like

looked

and said:

"what the heck is that?"

and for a moment the love faltered,

and part of god laughed

at the other part of god

and that laughing part of god

made the other part of god

feel it was less than god,

and so

the cycle of abuse

began

. . . .



slowly,


through time


the abuse has compounded to the point where


pastors abuse parishioners


fathers abuse children


lovers abuse beloved


and the abused are so confused --  because


it all started for them


a long time ago,


when they had come only seeking


love.



It's time to break the chain;


it's time to look in the mirror and recognize


we are all complimentary parts


of the total image






The only way to make that change

to the man in the mirror

is to change the man

looking

at

the mirror.

little children . . .




And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.

Matthew 18:3



23 May 2010

. . . and a child shall lead them . . . .

Someone sent me this video:


This child is an adult today.


When a child says this,
she is labeled bright, 
precocious,
idealistic,
and everyone smiles
and sheds a tear
for their own lost innocence.

But at least we listen to her.
I am a grown woman
my feet have passed through many doors
on this planet.
When I spoke like this
to my last boyfriend,
he laughed at me,
as if I was a naieve fool.


Sometimes, in the West,
we also listen to the
wise from the East,
who understand
what we want to hear:




Or we listen to elderly, saintly 
Indian women
who carry the burden of being
thoughtful, caring 
Christian adults
for all of us
(despite the fact that they are rarely
members of any recognized christian assembly).



But (in the popular Western mind, we believe)
they can't really be credible;
after all, this woman
lives in such a backwards, crowded land
and she almost looks like she has no gender.
So we let them live
their lives of sacrifice,
and take comfort from the fact
we mouth agreement with them,
and send them a little money
every now and then.



When an adult man speaks in a manner like this,
he is labeled a fool:



Well, I've watched this world
decline
in the hands of men
who would have us believe
that children,
saintly third-world women,
and vegetarian congressmen
are misdirected.

Throughout the 20th Century,
I was willing to listen
to the war mongers
because I was mad
at myself, and felt that
annihilation
was the only solution.
But now I can see that
the dream of annihilation
can be all too true,
and it is not
what God intended.

We need to start listening
to the innocent
and the misdirected
now
before it's too late.