Passing Carousel Riders: To Laura

I look at you,

                 my friend,

in your lean blonde chassis,

circa late 1950s, a smile

like sunlight, an air

of childish naievete still,

and I see myself.

It's always good to see you.

Your youngest is graduating 

and off to college;

I celebrate with you.

I, this time around, opted

for no children, no

such celebrations.

It saddens me sometimes.

Those tiny joys are beauteous,

but in my centuries

on this earth I've seen them come

and go, replaced by disappointments

when the borne hope dissipates.

I've seen the body sag;

all too often, the smile diminish.

You and I, passing

one more time around

on this merry-go-round called life,

on similar horses,

but slightly different trappings.

I like the way yours sparkles

Perhaps on this turn,

you'll catch the ring.

Whole (an edited channelling)

1.

I had a dream

several months ago;

in it,

I was singing

with a multitude of people.

It was the end of time,

and we knew it.

Everyone was walking down streets

long and dark, like an alley,

a huge bowling alley;

so many people, 

so many voices.

And then a group broke off,

male and female, and I

was among them,

and we were singing

to a beautiful musical phrase:

we had no children

over and over again.

we had no children

we had no children

we had no children.

And we were exquisite;

every voice around me

was full and realized,

and every voice was

content with where it sat

in the face

of the singer,

and the singers each

were content

with their faces

that contained

their voices.

It was a joy to sing with them,

and I realized

most of my companions

were gay

or were single and childless,

like me,

and I was happy to be singing

with the choir of the childless

because

we each understood

the sources of our pain and

our voices sounded so good

together,

so we sang, as we marched 

down our narrow street;

we sang

we had no children

we had no children

we had no children

into the depth

of the endless

night.

2.

Some people wonder

why it seems

we have so many gay people

around,

so many

who have not reproduced.

?

Those who reproduce

are those

who are still evolving,

who do not yet recognize

the element of the opposite sex

we each contain,

or perhaps

they haven't developed 

their other halves

so well;

they're still predominantly 

just half.

either

male

or

female

(remember:

god broke in half

in order to be able to see

himherself,

but when they broke in 1/2

he actually had to double

themselves

because

god

was whole

and in order for whole

to see whole

it has to see

half & half

because

if whole

tries to see another whole

well,

it would just continuously

be disappearing

into the 

hole in the middle of whole

that appears

when whole tries

to double itself

; ; ; ;

so whole reproduces itself

by creating

two halves

to represent

the halves

that constitute the whole.

I've said this before.

We -- every part of creation --

are representatives

and representations

of the different aspects

of the whole;

and within each of our species

we continually represent the doubling of the

whole, of the 

entity

that is god.

just think of what happens in nature:

the halves

seperate,

but then become wholes

by doubling --

a continual repetition,

a continual reproduction,

of the act of reproduction

that the creative force

we choose to call God

initiated

when it felt the compulsion

to reproduce

itself.

As the 1/2s evolve,

the aspects in us that

are the essential aspects

of a whole god

emerge, 

and we begin containing

a little bit of each half

of the whole:

Thus, more and more

we are prone to see

people who contain

this doubleness,

and

those of us

who have been evolving

for awhile

from age to age

now occupy

avatars

that indicate

our wholeness

--

we contain a duality

--

a man in a female body;

a female in a male body,

and sometimes

we are attracted to another

just like us.

What else can I say?

I don't know for sure

why

a message like this is emerging;

it just is--

and I'm writing it.

(Actually, I'm editing it, too, 

because the original channelling

was quite a challenge.

But the message

was clear.)

Anyway,

so I'm singing with all these

gorgeous-voiced people

many gay,

many lesbian,

some like me,

all of us who

never reproduced,

not in this lifetime, at least;

we never really needed to reproduce

though we may have wanted to,

because,

some of us,

like me

contained a weeping memory

of reproduction

deep in our wombs.

We are the ones whose

spirits have evolved

to a point

maybe 

shy of wholeness.

And so we contain two in one.

For some of us,

on first sight,

we're way shy of normal,

but the more you get to know us

you see

we're not that bad,

and we're even appealling,

even

beautiful,

and we sure can sing.

And don't forget:

we can't help it==

we were born into these

avatars

that mark the stage we're at

in our spiritual development;

they are

bifacial,

biracial,

bisexual,

bicameral,

and we need them

to learn the lesson

we're here to learn

this time around,

and to help humankind

move

to the next stage it is meant

to arrive at.

soon.

The All That is Nothing

We will be able to reproduce our bodies

if we are only brain.

If we are only brain

we don't need a body, because

if we have lived the life,

and truly experienced it, 

living it

fully,

we can imagine what it would be like to do those things

and we wouldn't have to be there.

1.

This thought came to me when,

in a vaguely herbal state,

I was standing in front of my stove

thinking: "time to turn on the stove."

And I saw my arm reach out

from my body and press

the imitation button button

on the stove top.

And then my mind went somewhere else,

for a relatively long period of time.

When I returned to the stove

I was suprised it wasn't on.

I had seen the action so clearly.

I had imagined, in my mind, an action

that I've completed so many times with my body

that I knew so well;

I projected an image of my arm turning on the stove

so truthful

that I thought I had actually done the act.

But I hadn't.  The oven was cold as a tomb,

so I had to actually use my arm

and finger

to turn it on.

But the fact was: that act was there;

my mind moved so vividly

I believed that the representation

of the act was the act itself.

My imagination had that much substance.

Then I thought: if we could find

a way that I (or anyone) could 

train the brain and

connect my thoughtprocess

(which is only electricity)

with the electric (ie: radio) wave

emitted from my 

part gas/part electric stove,

then we wouldn't really

need to use

our arms anymore.  

Our arms, after all, are only

an imitation of a compulsion

within us to reach, to make

contact with

Thing That Does.

The Thing That Does is whatever object

we created on this earthly plane to help us manifest

either a.) ethereal aspects of God or

b.) those acts we have to do to stay on the planet.

The Thing That Does, by the way

is the inverse representation of

The Thing That Does Not.

The physical place we occupy,

and all its disparate parts,

ie: the kitchen

the apartment

the shoe

the body,

aka

The All That Is Something

are, when functioning collaboratively, the inverse representation

of the

All That Is Nothing.

2.

Different creatures interact

with the All That Is Nothing

in different ways.

Cats, for instance, live on

the margins of the

All That Is Something

and the

All That Is Nothing:

they respect.

They have little to say, 

and their thoughts are elegantly simple;

they know that different aspects of the 

All That Is Something

sustain their physical lives,

so they seek them out,

for sustenance: that is

the essence of the predator.

The predator is one who

lives in that margin,

who knows that the All 

That Is Something

is really Nothing 

but a veneer - a couterpoint -

to the truth: Nothing

which is,

yeah,

Everything.

(Now if you've gotten this far and this makes an iota of sense, I thank you.  You may want to go back to my earlier entries on the palindrome, mirrors,  and creation.  This one echoes many of the ideas found there.)

Because Nothing is the Everything

we seek.

If we can slip inside the glove of nothing

we will become the everything,

and our physical presence

will be made manifest

on the Mirror of Our Desire To Fully See Ourselves.

Honesty is the key.

3.

If, in this human life, you live honestly,

then when you pass into death, you will

be able to look in the 

mirror

that divides the two,

life and death,

and you will see your truthful life

(the mirror never lies)

and look back and say

I was always honest to my 

essential self

in this life.  And when

I made mistakes, I admitted them;

I don't need to go back; 

and do it over

I can be nothing and something

and be absolutely content,

knowing 

that while I lived in this physical body,

I used it justly.

4.

Yes, I am talking reincarnation,

because reincarnation is the only

explanation

for what's going on here.

We come back and come back and come back

into this realm of the 

reproduction 

(don't forget: we ARE the reproduction, and reproduction

is the norm on the physical plane;

it is how we sustain ourselves here.)

So we keep coming back,

reproducing ourselves

in so many different forms,

and challenging ourselves

to do better,

to help the God who is our Creator

see himself.

We're living in the mirror,

and we can either live through the breaking of the mirror, again,

which won't be a hell of a lot of fun,

(and it might even feel like hell, for awhile)

or we can live through

the absolute act

of cohering the parts,

of making ourselves

a total representation of all the 

aspects of God that we,

in this incarnation,

chose to represent.

The most successful way of cohereing the parts

is to develop the brain and the heart.

Because the brain and the soul live on 

after the body is gone.

The brain and the heart are the essence

of God;

God is mind, logic and knowledge

and the creative impulse

combined and working

in harmony.

The body, as I've said 

before,

is just the avatar

that we chose to use

while we dwell on

the Plane of Brokenness.

Our brain is our most

Godlike aspect;

Our bodies were just built from

dirt - the materials of the physical realm -

to carry the brain and the heart around

while it's here.