(for those of you
who have so kindly
read Makropoulos'
musings over the past months,
you know,
I have an obsession with the Creation Story,
and I keep retelling it,
over and over.
If you don't like it,
I'm sorry, but
think of it this way:
Elton John has been writing the same song,
over and over again,
all his career,
and for some odd reason, he gets away with it.
So here I go again, with mine:)
sound of crunching and biting. . . and crunching . . . an apple . . .
Adam: That was good
Eve: Nice and crispy. Want another?
rustle of leaves, as she reaches
for another
Adam: Better not; he told us not to.
Hey, look at that bush over there. It has
bright red berries on it. Maybe we can eat them,
instead.
Eve: Who says they're bright red?
Adam: I do. He told me, whatever I say goes. GENESIS 2:19: "and
whatsoever Adam called every living creature
that was the name therof. . . "
Eve: Oh, brother, this is going to go to your head. Hey, what's that thing in your hand?
Adam: What?
Eve: That thing, in your hand -- What is it? You know, we could get
a hell of a lot more done around here if you'd just
put it down.
Adam: I can't put it down.
Eve: What do you mean?
Adam: It's stuck to me.
Eve: What? Let me see. Oh my god!
It's a snake!
(twigs cracking and grasses swishing
as she rises from
a lying position)
Adam: No! It's not! It's me! Come on back here!
Eve: It's awful! How can you touch that thing
all the time?
Adam: It feels good! You'd be touching it all the time
if you had one.
Eve: Well, I don't.
Rustle of leaves
as she moves closer
Eve: Oh, my god, it's growing. It's moving!
Adam: yeah, it does that whenever you bend over.
Eve: Oh my god . . . .
Adam: Stop saying that
sound of snap of a twig again
Eve: here, take this and cover it up.
Adam: I am not covering mine if you don't cover yours.
Eve: I don't have one.
Adam: Yeah, I know. And I think that's kind of freaky, so
cover it up.
sound of leaves being picked,
Adam and Eve making
little noises, as they adjust their new
wardrobe. . .
Eve and Adam: randomly No, put it there. Oh, I don't like it there, move it over. Don't cover that part;
I like that part. . .
Eve: Laughing You need a bigger one!
ripping more leaves
Eve: Here, let me help
Sound of rustling,
and bodies getting closer
Eve & Adam: randomly Ewww,
Oh? Oh!
OH! . . Aw Aw ah ah
AH!
ew
ohhhh
Adam: You should cover those, those two. If the rule is to
you cover whatever you feel like touching all the time,
you should definitely cover those.
Eve: Well, I don't want green on them. I mean, I like them SO much.
I want a better color.
I need red.
Adam: Well the only thing big enough that's red
is an apple. . .
Eve: Apple? What's an apple?
Adam: Those red things we ate. You know, the ones we're not supposed to eat.
Eve: Oh!
sound of rustling, apples being plucked
Adam: Eve!! What the hell did you do that for? We're not supposed to!!
Eve: Well, we already ate one, so we're screwed. What's two more?
Besides, I'm not eating them.
pause
Eve: By the way, what is hell?
Adam: What?
Eve: You just said "what the hell!" What is hell?
Adam. indifferently Oh. It's just something I said.
It doesn't mean anything.
Eve: Well, it does now.
Adam: Why?
Eve: Because you said it. You know: you're the First Man,
and He gave you the power to name things.
So, if you say it, it's bound to mean something.
big sigh, then, exasperated:
My God!
Adam: Stop saying that! pause Do you really think
that EVERYTHING I say is going to mean something?
Eve: Somewhere down the line. If you say it enough,
it's going to mean something.
If it doesn't mean anything,
than why say it?
Hey.
Will you please help me . . .
with my apples?
Adam: Oh, yeah, baby, I love them apples. . .
ooh, ahh, ewww,. . .
Rustle, rustle,
the tinkling sound
of sparkling sun
on wet leaves, the
deep exhale
of a spring breeze. . .
Eve: Uh, oh.
Adam: giggling. He's coming. Put your apples back on.
Eve: what about that thing?
Adam: What?
Eve: This thing?
Adam; Oh, . . . . .we'd better leave them on, too.
Eve: What? (obviously she is involved with her apples)_
Adam: Leave it!
Eve: What?
Adam: Leave it!
Eve: What's it?
Adam: Leave it!!!
Eve: Oh, it's a leave.
Adam: What?
Eve: The thing you're wearing on your thingamajig,
it's a leave.
Adam: Oh, is it?
Eve: You just named it, you primate, you!
More gracious rustling
tinklings of
the sparkling sun
on wet leaves,
the gentle sound
of spring rain,
and breath,
always breath. . .
Eve: He's really essentially good.
He'll forgive us.
Adam: Are you worried?
Eve: Yeah, a little. Aren't you?
Adam: Yeah, Adjust your apples.
And they heard the voice
of the Lord God
walking in the garden
in the cool of the day:
Lord God: Hidee Hidee Hidee Ho. . .
Adam: whispering I hate that song. . .
Eve: What's hate?
Adam: still whispering It's the feeling that I get
whenever he sings that song.
Eve: Hidee hidee hidee ho. . . it's kind of nice.
It kind of doesn't mean
a damned thing.
Adam: That's why I hate it
Rustling
gentle breezes,
birds singing
spinning cymbals,
deep breathing.
L.G.: Hidee hidee hidee ho. . .
Adam? Where art thou?
Adam: knees knocking, clenched together in fear, whispering: Oh, fuck!
Eve: What?
Adam: Oh! It doesn't mean anything!
Eve: Stop saying things that don't mean anything,
than insisting that all your words
have meaning. If you keep doing that,
I'm just going to start singing
Hidee hidee hidee ho,
all the time!
L.G.: Adam! (L.G.'s voice is firm, but a soft, patient tone) Adam! Where art thou?
Adam: calling Oh! Oh! Is that you? Why,
I head thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid because
I was naked; and I hid myself!
Pause
Absolute silence.
Then. . .
Sharp inhale,
like a typhoon --
L.G.: Who told thee thee was naked?
Adam: Uh. . . . Uh. . . .
Eve whispering Did that mean something?
Adam: Uh. . . . Uh. . . .
L.G.: WHO TOLD THEE THEE WAS NAKED?
Adam: whispering I'm afraid it does mean something
L.G.: Hast thou eaten of the tree,
whereof I commanded thee
that thou shouldst not eat?
Eve: Maybe I misjudged HIm.
Adam: Uh. . . . The woman whom thou gavest to be with me,
she gave me of the tree,
and I did eat!
Eve: OH, My GOD! No!
L.G.: Yes, dear. Yes, that's right:
Adam just produced a falsehood.
It's true: sometimes what he says is
god's truth, and sometimes,
well,
it means nothing at all,
and sometimes,
rather than burn his own ass,
he's going to blame it all
on you . ..
So get ready:
I'm about to tell you what you get
for eating of the tree. . .
Adam: I'll take door number three.
L.G.: What the hell does that mean?
Eve: See, He's saying it now, so it must mean something.
L.G.: What do you mean?
Eve: Adam's been saying that all day long. . . What the hell. . . . What the hell. . .
L.G.: Oh, it doesn't mean anything.
Eve: Come on, now, what was the lesson
you just gave me about the First Man
over here, and falsehood?
L.G.: Oh,. O.K.
Let me tell you what that phrase means:
"What": means, well, it's what you say when you
don't know something.
Adam and Eve: What?
L.G.: Precisely.
Adam and Eve: Oh.
L.G.: Yes, what. Now, "the" is the definite article.
A and E: What?
L.G.: Again, precisely. That's what a bunch of people are going to say in the future,
people from Russia and China and Japan
and a few other places, too,
when they try to learn English. You see,
their language
will not have
a definite article,
because
they recognize you really don't need one.
I mean, an apple's an apple, right?
But
English needs one, because
English speaking people are just that particular.
They have the intellect
of a giant five year old:
the English language lets me focus on
just one apple
and say
"I want that one."
and you would say
"What one?"
and I would say:
"That One"
and you would say
"What One?"
and I would say
THE apple perched on your
left boobie
Adam and Eve: Oh! That Apple!
L.G. Yes. That Apple. I'll take the other one too.
Adam and Eve: Why?
L.G.: I like apples. They're my favorite
fruit.
And you weren't supposed to touch them.
Adam: Why didn't you tell us that? If you would have put it that way,
we would not have eaten one. But instead you just said
"don't" and we didn't know why.
Eve: yeah!
L.G.: I did tell you. I know I told you.
Adam: I don't remember.
L.G. Oh, I know I told you. I know I said it right over there, a few days ago,
remember? We were lying in that leafy grove over there,
when we were with your cousins, smoking the green plant,
and I told you.
Adam: Oh, yeah, that was fun. But I don't remember you telling
us anything important. (to Eve) Do you?
Eve: Well, you know, I do, now that you
bring it up.
And you know: we were smoking that stuff before we ate
the apples,
too.
L.G. Oh, great. I told you not to smoke too much of that stuff.
Because you really can't handle it.
Adam and Eve: Who?
L.G. You. I told you, I told you, I told you,
and you don't listen,
which is a mistake,
because
I am GOD!
Adam and Eve: Who's God?
L.G.: Me!
Adam and Eve: Is that your name?
L.G.: Sure, for now. I mean, I heard Eve saying it:
Oh, my god! and I thought she was talking
to me.
I like the sound of it, too:
God. God. God.
Do you know God is Dog
spelled backwards?
Adam and Eve: What's a dog?
L.G.: Oh, my buddy Satan's a dog.
Adam: What? Really?
L.G.: Yeah, Satan's a dog.
sound of barking, then
growling and snapping
He's a bit tempermental, but he's a dog.
Man's best friend, you know.
Adam: Well, the Bible says Satan's a serpent.
L.G.: A what?
Adam: A serpant. A snake. It's the same thing. I just
made up that other word for snake.
Serpent.
Sounds good, doesn't it?
Eve and L.G.: What was wrong with "snake"?
Adam: Nothing! Snake's a fine word! But,
if you want to write poetry,
serpant would sound better.
Eve: Oh, Lord, he's driving me crazy.
L.G.: Lord. I like that name too.
Eve: I mean, first it's a snake, then
he gets all poetic on us
and it's a serpant. Next
thing you know, he'll say
Oh, and that big black one over there
is a"python,"
and that spotted one
is "boa,"
and
that beautiful brown and black one
is a "viper" . . . .
Adam: Eve, those are really nice words! Can I use them?
Eve: But I say: they're all snakes! Just snakes!
And I also say that the only snake
in this scenario is the one
that's hanging between
his legs.
L.G.: Where?
Eve: That thing hanging between his legs! Adam, move your leaf.
L.G.: Oh, that thing.
Eve: yeah, that thing. I can't help but notice:
you don't have one.
L.G.: I don't need one. You only need one of those
when you have to reproduce.
Eve: Really?
Adam: What are you guys talking about?
Eve and L.G.: Don't call us "guys."
Eve: And why is your noodle growing, Adam?
I'm not bending over.
sound of rustling grasses
Adam distracted What?
Eve: turning Lillith? What are you doing
back there?
Lillith: Oh, just picking some of these pretty red berries.
Eve: Lillith! Stand up, get ouf of here,
this is MY side of the garden!
Adam?
Adam: It's just your cousin. . . .
Eve: I know precisely who Lillith is!!!
Adam whispering to the L.G.: What's her problem?
L.G.: Her problem is this:
You both ate the apple,
my favorite fruit.
And at the instant you ate it,
suddenly,
she saw it
and
you saw it:
and you both recognized it.
Eve, what you didn't know before
because you didn't have to know
before apple
(let's call that "B.A." for short,)
B.A. you didn 't know he was
walking around with that thing
in his hand
all the time.
If it wasn't in his hand, he had it
stuck in a tree
or a sheep
or whatever
because
it kind of has a mind all its own.
That doesn't make it right,
but the poor guy is stuck to it,
and sometimes that thing's brain
takes over.
Luckily
he had it in you
a lot
because you are
his other half,
the thing I made
from his rib.
And I have to say,
I did a good job with you.
You look just like me!
I didn't get it quite right the first time,
but the second time was a charm!
Adam: What?
L.G. and Eve: Never mind.
L.G.: Anyway, that's why
I didn't want you
to eat the apple
because it's the fruit
of knowledge, a gift
that only I
can bare sanely because
I don't care.
I don't care
what he's got in his hand,
or what happens
when someone else
bends over.
Because I know
I know
that in the long run
it just doesn't matter.
Yeah,
I can't know and not care
because I'm eternal; I
don't have to reproduce,
but you do. Because
that was the only way
I could build you.
Anybody who has had the patience
to read this blog knows
the essential truth
and problem of creation:
Eternity, the All, the Lord
cannot reproduce itself
in its totality
because All
is only always All,
So in order to reproduce myself
I had
to produce my parts,
of which you two
Adam and Eve
are very important parts of me,
and this beautiful
ecosystem
is a reproduction of what I need
to sustain myself.
And Lillith is me, too
as is her rib-mate, Ted. . .
Adam and Eve: Ted? His name is Ted?
L.G.: Yeah.
Adam and Eve: Why Ted?
L.G.: He liked the sound of it. I told him
the same thing I told you, Adam:
"what you say, goes"
and he named everything,
too,
but he just has different names for everything.
Adam: sounding hurt You told Ted that too?
L.G.: Yeah. Why not?
Adam: I think Ted and I better talk.
L.G.: Maybe. Especially given the mess
you two made of it all. I mean,
you've messed up for everybody.
Adam and Eve: We two?
L.G.: Yeah, you two. You broke the rule,
so now everybody has to suffer.
Adam: Well, if you hadn't
put all that weed all around the tree,we wouldn't have smoked it and then
eaten that lovely red, crunchy fruit.
You should have told us not to smoke that.
L.G.: But I couldn't, because
you need to smoke it, in order
to keep from killing each other.
I put it there, because
I like to smoke it and then eat apples.
The crunch is so delightful
when you have a little buzz on.
And I told you not to smoke so much
because you can't handle it!
Adam: My God! I forgot!
L.G.: Don't use my name in vain! I told you I knew what
would happen, and I told you not to eat, and you did!
Adam: Eve! Don't go away! I need help here!
where are you going?
Eve: To get some of those berries over there. . .
rustling . . .
Adam: to L.G.: So are you telling me
that you can't put it back to the
way it was with me walking
around with my thingee in my hand
all the time, and with her not caring?
You're God! You should be able
to do that!
L.G.: Sorry. The problem is: you have enough
of me in you that once the process starts,
I can't stop it. . . .
You're on your way.
You're going to really start evolving now,
inventing fire,
and wheels,
and books,
and guns,
and fishing rods,
and trains, and clocks, and
boats
and radios and cars
and submarines
and rockets and
bombs
and the internet, eventually,
and you're going to ultimately
strive
to reproduce me,
God,
the creative force,
the replicating power,
the All, the Timeless, the Eternal, and
. . .
Adam: Eve? Where are you?
L.G.: And, ultimatley, you'll get pretty close,
and then
we'll have a tangle, you and I,
like two jealous brothers
Adam: Oh, look, there's my cousin Bruce,
over by the tree. Lord. . . . I'll tell him not to eat
the apple. . . . will that make it good between us?
Eh, Lord, Buddy?
L.G.: Don't call me Buddy. I'm Your God.
Your Creator.
And don't you ever forget it.
Adam: Hey Bruce! Don't eat that!
You'll have trouble!
And hey, buddy, put a leaf on that thing,
it's getting pretty big. . .
L.G.: whispering This is going to get ugly.
Adam: Bruce. . . . what are you looking at? Bruce?
rustle rustle
Eve! Stop picking those berries! Stand up! And Bruce,
you stay away from her!
I'm going to kill you . . . .
She's MY rib-mate. . . go find your own
more rapid rustling, sounds of slapping,
Adam and Bruce grunting,
and saying "ouch!" "Ouch!"
"you Asshole! Ouch!"
Meanwhile:
A Deep Sigh,
as deep as the darkest night
and as long and lush
as a thousand thousand thousand
long grassy grasses
swaying in a sea breeze
L.G.: I'm getting out of here. It's going to get
ugly,
(more sounds of slapping, and swearing.
New words are being invented
by the second)
and no matter
what I say, they won't listen. . . . Oh. . . .
I'll try to give them some rules,
in another few hundred, or
thousand
years
or so.
They just won't listen to me at all,
not now.
I know that.
"ouch! Stop it!" branches breaking,
pans clattering, general
confusion, then pause
Adam: Eve? Eve? Where are you going?
Eve: Hey, Teddy, what are you wearing? Oh, I like it
in that color. . .
Adam, OK, that's it, Eve. You come back over here,
or I'm going with Lillith.
Eve: Oh, no you don't! Don't you dare!
L.G.: Yep, I was afraid something like this would happen
. . . it's going to take a long time. . . .
a long time. .. . .
I guess I'll just go sit
in this galaxy over here and
watch
for awhile. I might even have to
look away
sometimes, because
I'm afraid it's going to get
really bad.
But every now and then,
I'll send a messenger,
someone to give them a clue
on how to get along.
And mostly,
I'm afraid,
they won't listten.
Brush of air,
crash of lightening,
smash of thunder
and then a sudden
downpour of rain
Eve: Now, Adam, what are you doing over there with Bruce?
OK, That's it. Ted! Let's get out of here.
Adam: Eve! Eve! If you do that,
I'm going to
cover you, from head to foot,
with leaves!
I'll cover your face, too!
You can't leave!
You're my rib-mate!
Rustle. . . . Rustle . . . .
rustle
rustle
Adam: Where's Lillith?
the end
epilogue
woof! woof!
L.G.: Satan! Satan!!
whistling
Here, boy, Satan
barking and scurrying that disappears into the distance
L.G.: Oh, the hell with him.
He can stay here. I'll just go
over here. . . . alone
pause. . .
and wait. . .
pause
for someone to call me
on the phone.
