( lottery_tickets )
Are you one of those people
who will get a ticket even when
you're parked right in front of your house?
Are you one of them?
a lot -
But this morning I had
the most extraordinary experience.
Where I live, we have these insane
alternate street parking laws.
they are insane.
I've lived in a lot of places,
including in cities where alternate street parking laws
actually made sense:
you moved your car on garbage night;
and in the winter,
you moved your car every other night
so they could keep both sides of the street clean.
Well, here, I'll tell ya:
there's no rhyme or reason.
You don't move it on garbage day
until after the garbage truck comes through,
and when the snow is so high
you need cross-countries skis to get your mail,
you only move your car once a week.
Now, go figure.
~ ~ ~
there was my car
sitting in front of my house,
required by law to be moved
by ?:00 am, and I didn't leave
the house til later than that.
Let me just say this:
I was late enough that I met the ticket cop
just as he was walking up to my car.
I should say:
I was just walking out my door
when he was walking up to my car.
And I called out:
Hey officer! That's my car!
Fully expecting him to say:
That's your tough luck, sweetie, you didn't move it.
But, he didn't.
Instead he acted like he'd just gotten caught
with his hand in the cookie jar, and he said,
Oh, OK. Sorry.
And he walked away.
Now was this a random act of kindness?
Or could it be
that that dear officer knew
that if he gave me a ticket,
he'd make $35
for the city that day.
How would he know that?
Because I always pay my tickets, and
I'll bet you
they can access that information
by running my license.
I pay those fuckers,
generally the next day.
So guess who gets tickets?
Perhaps I need to change my M.O.
So of course,
this rather simple but extraordinary
experience got me thinking:
was this just a random act of kindness
(which is what I decided at the moment,
and I went to work,
feeling so happy)
Or did that officer run my license
and see the notation
("This Stupid Chick Pays Her Tickets")
and then jump out of his car
for a little extra revenue?
Perhaps they have a quota
of people like me
that they're supposed to ticket
I remember once,
I got three tickets on my windshield
in this one night
when my car didn't get moved
because I was inside sick.
Three tickets on my window
for one night
of being too sick
to go out and move my car.
Now isn't that a little overkill?
You do begin to wonder
why they just like to pick on
But the officer this morning kind of made
I hope he remembers that I live here
the next time
I sleep in a little.