On Parking Tickets

( lottery_tickets )

Are you one of those people

who will get a ticket even when

you're parked right in front of your house?

Are you one of them?

I am.

a lot -

But this morning I had

the most extraordinary experience.

Where I live, we have these insane

alternate street parking laws.

I mean:

they are insane. 

I've lived in a lot of places,

including in cities where alternate street parking laws

actually made sense:

you moved your car on garbage night; 

and in the winter, 

you moved your car every other night

so they could keep both sides of the street clean.

Well, here, I'll tell ya:

there's no rhyme or reason.

You don't move it on garbage day

until after the garbage truck comes through,

and when the snow is so high

you need cross-countries skis to get your mail,

you only move your car once a week.

Now, go figure.

~ ~ ~

Well, anyway,

there was my car

sitting in front of my house,

required by law to be moved 

by ?:00 am, and I didn't leave

the house til later than that. 

How late?

Let me just say this:

I was late enough that I met the ticket cop

just as he was walking up to my car.

I should say:

I was just walking out my door

when he was walking up to my car.

And I called out:

Hey officer!  That's my car!

Fully expecting him to say:

That's your tough luck, sweetie, you didn't move it.

But, he didn't.

Instead he acted like he'd just gotten caught

with his hand in the cookie jar, and he said,

Oh, OK.  Sorry.

And he walked away.

Now was this a random act of kindness?

Or could it be

that that dear officer knew

that if he gave me a ticket,

he'd make $35 

for the city that day.

How would he know that?

Because I always pay my tickets, and

I'll bet you

they can access that information

by running my license.

Silly me.

I pay those fuckers,

generally the next day.

So guess who gets tickets?

Me.

Perhaps I need to change my M.O.

So of course,

this rather simple but extraordinary

experience got me thinking:

was this just a random act of kindness

(which is what I decided at the moment,

and I went to work,

feeling so happy)

? 

Or did that officer run my license

and see the notation

TSCPHT

("This Stupid Chick Pays Her Tickets")

and then jump out of his car

for a little extra revenue?

Perhaps they have a quota

of people like me

that they're supposed to ticket

every month.

I remember once,

I got three tickets on my windshield

in this one night 

when my car didn't get moved

because I was inside sick.

Three tickets on my window

for one night

of being too sick

to go out and move my car.

Now isn't that a little overkill?

You do begin to wonder

why they just like to pick on

me.

But the officer this morning kind of made

my day.

I hope he remembers that I live here

the next time

I sleep in a little.

( marketplace.publicradio )