Place of Refuge

Place of Refuge

04 April 2011

A Purge on Education in the U.S. of A. (to William Cronan)


Is it Armageddon yet?

As you may know, if you read my blog,
(and if you read this blog, I thank you
for your patience!)
that is my current refrain.


Every morning I wake up listening to the news on 
(that nasty radio station that the U.S. Government recently voted
to cut funding from (see link above)

and every morning I hear another story
that makes me think,
before I even get out of bed:
"is it Armageddon yet?

I mean, really, 
what do we need to have happen before
we realize that it's time for us
to take responsibility for
the human race, as it sits at this
this challenging historical juncture
we currently are experiencing?



This morning the story was this:



This friendly looking gentleman,
a certain Professor William Cronan,
a historian at the University of Wisconsin,
was asked by the New York Times
to write an op-ed 
on the history of the State of Wisconsin's Collective Bargaining laws.


A day or so later,
he launched a blog that he had been thinking
about for some time, called

And there, he wrote an entry on,
to use his words,
"the role of the American Legislative Exchange Council (ALEC) in influencing recent legislation in this state and across the country"
(please see the link above for his own
description of, again as he puts it,
"the strange circumstances in which [he] finds [him]self as a result."
Fundamentally, the State of Wisconsin
did not like was Dr. Cronan wrote,
and "request[ed] to view the contents of "Professor William Cronon's state email account from 1 January 2011 to present which reference any of the following terms: Republican, Scott Walker, recall, collective bargaining, AFSCME, WEAC, rally, union [and 12 prominent Republican state senators who supported Walker's bill]".  (this quote is from the Guardian article
from which I snagged the above picture.  Please follow the link above.)

Now, all in all,
I find this to be tremendously 
disturbing,
for a number of reasons:

First, of course, there is that good ol' constitutional right we supposedly have
in the U.S. of A. called Freedom of Speech.  Yes, the same Constitution
that grants us the right to own a small arsenal, also grants us the right
to speak openly.  Indeed, that is our first
Constitutional Right, followed closely by

 This very first amendment to the U.S. Constitution is one of the many reasons
that for a long time historians and social critics called the United States of America
one of history's greatest social experiments.


My Second Reason for finding this Cronan case
to be absolutely disturbing is because of what it indicates
about the attitude towards Education and the Educated
in this great old United States of America.

Of course, Wisconsin's current place in national headlines began
when their governor, Scott Walker, managed to pass a legislation designed
to disrupt the collective bargaining power of unions for public employees, including teachers.
(This has been followed by the Republican governor of Ohio, John Kasich,
launching a similar attempt to "bust the unions,"
something that my family and friends in Ohio claim he never campaigned on.
The rationale for breaking the power of these unions
that serve public employees is that these individuals
are overpaid anyway, and hey we have to balance
those state budgets, which are,
pretty much like the United States government,
flirting with bankruptcy.

This attempt to dismantle the pay structure, which includes threatening the retirement
funds for thousands of individuals who have been sweating over our youth for decades
is being fueled by an anecdotal public claim that teachers don't do their jobs well,
and get their summers off, so why pay them 
so much????  After all, look at the state of American education!
It's the teachers' fault our youth are doing so badly, right?

Well, I'll tell ya what:
some of my best friends are teachers
in public systems,
and those people work their hearts out:
facing increasing learning disabilities and disruptions in the classroom,
working in often poorly funded facilities,
up early to prepare and greet students who often come
from emotionally challenging family situations,
up until late, late hours doing assessment paperwork,
struggling to get students to pass tests on material that the students
rather rapidly forget . . . the list goes on.   We don't need to take money and job security
away from most of these teachers, 
we need to make them all saints.

Education is the sole most important industry in the United States right now,
if we are to produce intelligent, creative and open-minded global citizens for tomorrow,
and we are yanking money away from it,
and belittling those who do it,
and those who question the system
and want to make it better.

Sadly, those students who were impacted by the
No Child Left Behind Legislation,
which is largely responsible for the current emphasis
on assessment in our country, are now arriving in
colleges and universities, which of course,
is where I teach, and have taught,
since 1985.
The students themselves realize
rather rapidly
that their high school education did not prepare them.
(I have a student right now working on that topic
for the researched argument he is required to write.
His colleagues all agree with him.)

So if High School doesn't prepare you for college today, what does it do?
I asked him today.
It teaches you to take tests,
was his response.  And, he added It's a zoo!  Too much
of a popularity contest.   His classmates
all nodded in agreement.
The United States of America has, historically, housed the finest Higher Education system
in the world.  This is why we have attracted scholars from all over the world.
This is also why, for a time, American scholars like myself got jobs in universities
in other countries.  It was our job to import that unique brand of
"critical thinking" that has become the hallmark of the American system for over the past
thirty to forty years.

Recognizing that honing the ability to think critically and creatively
produces new thoughts and advancements in every branch
of thinking, scholars have come to our shores, and now
we are exporting our education, at a profit to our 
institutions of higher education.
It is precisely in the spirit of good ol' American
critical thinking that the good Dr. Cronan
developed his blog,
and it is precisely that practice 
that the State Government of Wisconsin
is threatening by demanding his e-mails.


As my fingers move on this keyboard, I worry
even for myself.  I know from my own current
experiences, (I have taught abroad, and I am currently teaching
both American college students
and Chinese students who are here for their first
year abroad) that the rest of the world is surpassing us,
quickly, in terms of general knowledge as well as
critical and creative thinking, not to mention
a mastery of the English language.)  And we,
meanwhile, are busy creating a system that 
distrusts Academics and Educators on all levels.

And our young people are suffering from it.

Well, I say,
God Bless you, Dr. Cronan;
fight for your right
for personal freedom.
I will support you unabashedly,
and pray that we can all wake up
right now, and see
we've gone too far.
We have to give up these old
worn out partisan battles
and set our priorities straight.
Right?

Or may it is Armageddon,
at least for the U.S.A.,
now.

02 April 2011

4/1/2011 - 4/2/2011



So
I had a guy in my life
once
who was kind of like a psychopath;
I don't know
if he truly was one,
but he was
an awful lot like one.

He would mirror
back to me
(or you or anybody)
exactly what we want to see
EXACTLY
to a 
"T"

And I was able to hold
his attention
for over two years,
which meant that
for about a year --
                      maybe a little more--
he actually found some interest or
challenge,
or maybe even enjoyed
mirroring me back
to me;
and I had this crazy belief that,
in the midst of that time,
I penetrated the surface and found and connected with
the man underneath


And he was pretty darned extraordinary
and I still believe
in a sick, sad way
that he thought I was extraordinary
too.

I will honestly tell you:
I had never been
so happy
in my life.  Foolishly, I thought
I could make it last

forever.


But when the man you give your love to
is actually
the man deep inside
the mirror,
you have to realize
he
is constantly receding,
because in this world comprised
solely of representations
the mirror
dominates
over the
original


                                . . . and so

every other woman
who sees this man
also sees
herself the way
she would like
to see herself,
and she wants him for her very own;
and if he's living
continually
in his Mirror Stage,
well,
he's very rarely in contact
with the true he,
he's just continually infatuated
with the perfect he
that he thinks he can see whenever
 a woman thinks she has fallen
head over heels in love
with him.


Still,
there has to be a man in the mirror,
a man who on this earthly domain
was given the deadly deed
of having to be the mirror-bearer,
he whose essence
is that mystical 3rd that God created
for the sole purpose
of being able to see
HimSelf.




OK,
honestly,
this is a pretty wild entry here,
but I'm going to ride it out

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
 So
how many women fall so
in love (as much in love as I did) with
their psychopath lover?

I'd say almost all of them;
or most of them

So what                                               
is
                                          the
big fucking deal?

There is no deal:
there never was:
for two years, I stood
in front of a
beautiful mirror
and learned to love myself.




Tomorrow
would be
my father's birthday,
had he lived,

but as we all know:
Makropoulos is 425 years old,
so her father,
has long since mingled
with the earth he loved,
with the water he loved,
with the trees he wouldn't cut down,
not even for Christmas:

My father,
the most beautiful man
I will ever know:
tall and slender
and blonde
and quiet; smart
and witty
(I was the one who always got his jokes)
subtle,
and kind,
and so misunderstood,
my
               dear
                dear
father,
I've only just passed the age
he was at when he died,
or so it seems,
as he's been gone
such a long
long
long
time.
It's been hundreds of years
since I saw him last,
and I was just really getting
to know him.

                  Yes,

I loved my father
very much,
and I do believe
he loved me too.


                                                          He just never said it
                                                                       out loud.

artsjournal


And then there was another man:
the man I was married to, many years ago,
he
was 20 years my senior,
I married him
when he was at the age my father was
when he died.

People said to me:
you married a father figure,
and I said:
no! I did not!

He didn't look a think like my father, and
he was shorter than him, and
he could see color
and play the piano.

My father
was tone deaf,
and could only see red.



But I will tell you something
which
I recently discovered
(or came to terms with)
:

Yes.
I did marry my husband
to replace my father, and I am here to tell you:
the biggest
mistake a woman could make
if in a position even vaguely similar
to the one I was in when I married
would be to marry a man
who is the opposite of her father.  Women

make their men
in to the man
they want him to be.
And if the woman is lucky,
the man
is amenable to it.

If a woman feels
she met the perfect man
in her father, well, she tries
to make the man in her life
into her conception of her father.

That is why, quite frankly,
if a woman must marry,
and if she loved her father,
she should marry a man who is like her father,
in looks and temperment,
because if her father is really
a wonderful man (as my father was)
then the man you've chosen
to mold into him won't mind it at all,
and won't mind reflecting him back to you.


Does this mean I agree with Freud, when he said
that every girl and every boy
wants to have sex
with their father and/or mother?

No.

A girl can love her father without wanting to bed him,
and visa versa, just as a boy
can love his parent in the same way.
There is a true paternal love, a love
that adores the daughter
but does not cross that line;
and there is a true daughterly love,
a love that adores
her father, and adores
him all the more
because she knows she is safe with him.

But when it comes to a boyfriend,
a reproduction will suit her fine.
There's no sin in that;
there's not sin in wanting to love your mate
with the same excessive love that a child
once harbored for their parent who was their absolute world.

And if that man (or other mate of whatever gender)
is of like temper,
and seeks to love a woman
with the same adoration that he once
directed solely towards his mother,
well,
they're a match made in heaven.

Soulmates?

Maybe.

That's really another element all together.

Yes, there's no sin in that, because
if we could all find a partner
who we can love with the same love we felt
for the person we loved absolutely most in our lives,
well,
this would be a pretty happy planet,
and would spin
in an energy of
healing bliss.

But alas,
that's not the way the world turns, instead
we live in the tug of war of
users, abusers
used, abused,
passive-aggressive
active complacent
passive passive
active active

and every gradation in between.

Indeed
Indeed.

And we fight and we bicker,
and we flaunt flirt and hurt,
and we ignore the beautiful
simplicity of truth right before
our eyes.

Indeed
Indeed.

(Is it Armageddon yet?)

If it is,
well perhaps
we should
give up our
petty hatreds
now, and love
with a love that exceeds,

like a child loves his mother or her father,
or whomever it was
who once made that child
oh so glad, just to be
alive.


30 March 2011

why haven't I written one of my long rambling channellings for awhile?

Maybe some of my dear friends
and readers
are kind of relieved
that I haven't done that
for awhile.

Maybe some of you miss it.

I, for one,
miss it.  Because those long,
intense entries I write come to me
when I'm most relaxed
and my mind is most open
to that kind of reception.

Unfortunately, that has not been the case
for a few weeks or a month
or so
because
I have to fill my mind
with words that perhaps
should have never been
written.  

I try to teach college-aged students
how to write.

That's part of my job.

And it has become more and more painful,
as more and more
colleges are seeing the products of
"No Child Left Behind."

Oh, it's amazing how many children
have been left behind.

And I do not blame the teachers, 
no sirreee.
I have a sister
who is a teacher
and who reports the pain and agony
of the No Teacher Left Standing 
paperwork.

No Time To Teach;
No Child Can Spell;
Some Children Can Read and Write
but Most
Have Learned How to Get By.

Cheating has become an art form.

Now, I could write quite a bit
about my current  theories of how this has happened,
but I really have to get back to grading papers.

However,
a friend of mine, turned me on
to this guy named Taylor Mali
and I found this routine by
Taylor Mali,
and it summarized 
the kind of stuff I encounter regularly
far too well.

Listen,
and laugh
until you weep:


29 March 2011

Something Like a Star


I've been so silent this past
week or so:

the world of work
and the world of the world
has been far too much with me
these days; they have
invaded my brain with riff-raff and garbage,
with a pettiness that produces
dullness
and interferes with any attempt
to directly experience
love, life and language.

(Dear internet friends, don't leave me!
I'm here; I really am, and soon enough
I'll be finished with my semester!)

The absence of sun these days too,
and unexpectedly Chilly Spring Days
have frozen that dullness
into a seemingly insurmountable
wall of ice.
I have been in desperate need of a thaw.

Yesterday, I got a bit of one,
in the form of a poem set to music
in which I had the distinct pleasure of singing.

I'm not in this version of it,
but a version of it it is --

Randall Thompson's choral version
of Robert Frost's 
Choose Something Like a Star:
(may it help thaw you, too):


Choose Something Like a Star
(by Robert Frost)

O Star (the fairest one in sight),
We grant your loftiness the right
To some obscurity of cloud --
It will not do to say of night,
Since dark is what brings out your light.
Some mystery becomes the proud.
But to be wholly taciturn
In your reserve is not allowed. 

Say something to us we can learn
By heart and when alone repeat.
Say something! And it says "I burn."
But say with what degree of heat.
Talk Fahrenheit, talk Centigrade.
Use language we can comprehend.
Tell us what elements you blend. 

It gives us strangely little aid,
But does tell something in the end.
And steadfast as Keats' Eremite,
Not even stooping from its sphere,
It asks a little of us here.
It asks of us a certain height,
So when at times the mob is swayed
To carry praise or blame too far,
We may choose something like a star
To stay our minds on and be staid.

27 March 2011

Today's Diva: Geraldine Ferrarro


Sometimes she sang right on key:



And sometimes she went way off key:



But there was at least one song she sang
before any other woman sang it --





I honor her tonight.  Dear Geraldine Ferrarro,
may you rest in peace.

25 March 2011

Some Times, I Have to Stop Being So Serious: ("Not Only, But. . . " featuring John Lennon)


Makropoulos does
have a sense of humour,
though it is a strange one.

Here's an homage
to one of my favorite
fellow Librans:






(it's been a terrifically long,
tiring week for me,
and this is the best
I can do
on a Friday evening--)

23 March 2011

A contemplation on the need for rites of passage


~

I wake up every morning to the news on the radio,
and today, the local story that pulled me out of my sleep
was this:

Over the past month, there have been two deaths
from heroin overdose, and a potential third recent death
seems also to have been caused by this same substance.
In addition, there have been
42 non-fatal opiate based overdoses
at one hospital in a short period of time,
all of this is leading the police to conclude
that someone out there is selling some pretty nasty stuff,
laced with something that humans should not be ingesting.
The story was a warning, both to the users
and the sellers, who will be tried for murder
when and if they get caught.


So, there I was, struggling into consciousness
and struggling to understand
why so many people
are using this stuff,
so many people 
in a town blighted
with poverty
and unemployment.

And they're young people,
 very young people.


There's another story in this town
that makes me cry
whenever I think about it--
a couple years ago,
someone found a young woman
folded in half, naked,
bloody,
and dead,
in a garbage bag
in a dumpster.
A beautiful young woman who
became increasingly involved in drugs, then
prostitution to support her drugs
when she was in her late teens.
The last person to see her alive
was someone who dropped her off
at a house where she was going to exchange
sex for drugs.
The police declared hers
an accidental death,
and put the file away.
Well, that's bull shit;
nobody
accidentally falls,
naked and bloody,
into a garbage bag, 
in a dumpster.
Nobody.
Somebody did that to her.
But who is to blame?



~*~

So back to waking up this morning:
I thought I heard something else in the heroin story,
but it may have been another story
blurring into it:
it said:
this sort of behavior develops in cultures
where they have no initiation rituals,
no rites of passage.

And my mind went to stories of young men
in Papua New Guinea,
or Tanzania,
or somewhere like that,
fearing and anticipating that certain age when they know
they will have to take some mind altering drug
then go out and sit out in the wilderness
with wild animals
for a night or two or more
and wrestle with their own demons
and with nature
before they can return to their family
and home, and be called a man.
Some of them don't survive it,
I imagine.
But those that do
know the power
and the danger
of taking risks;
they are very familiar
with their own
dark side.

Furthermore,
I thought as I lay there in bed,
with these stories blurring in my head:
cultures with rites of passage seem to acknowledge
that at a certain point in every person's life
(generally some time after the hormones start pumping)
that person is bound to be drawn
to risky behavior.
So, we have a choice
as a "society":
we can either let our children
take their risks on their own,
illicitly, and illegally,
and let them kill 
themselves
or other people
in the process;
or
we can ritualize
that behavior,
and make the risk
and the substance
that heightens the
thrill of the risk
a sacrament.

It seems to me that the latter
of those two option
actually ends up empowering
everyone:
the fledgling risk-taker
as well as the adult
who seeks to teach
the fledgling risk-taker
responsibility.
After all, in a culture
that includes such
rites of passage
it is a foregone conclusion
that everyone who has survived
to adulthood, has passed through
the threshold of no return,
and returned, wiser for it.

( bbc )

Our society has departed
so far
from a culture wherein
we acknowledge
the risky threhshold
between childhood and adulthood --
almost as much as we have departed
from acknowledging the threshold
between fertile adulthood and old age,
and between life and death.

Many young people today
get older, with little
awareness or instruction
in the notion of the sacred,
and no ritualized behavior
to guide them on their way,
except, perhaps
the ritual of going to a movie
or a high-school prom.
Those rituals do not recongize
that life's changes include
risks, and potential dangers;
they do not acknowledge
the presence of the dark side
in each of us; if anything
that dark side is treated
as a forbidden, sinful thing.
Rites-of-passage acknowledge
and embrace
that forbidden, shameful, even sinful thing
as a necessary part
of everybody's life.

( tvtropes )

So where am I going with this?

Well, soon enough I will be going off to bed;
I need to sleep fast,
so I can wake up again,
to the dulcet tones
of the highlights of life on earth
in 2011,
but for now, 
I will end this meandering entry with a 
meager thought--

as I mused over this sobering story
some 18 hours ago,
I began to think a thought
I often think --
I feel a bit like humanity is regressing,
back to a wildness that is savage.
I fear for the upcoming generation
especially in the U.S.A.,
because all they value is the superficial,
and (as I say above)
they have no sense of ritual.
Humanity could, potentially,
go through some very dark times.

And if we survive,
we may need to return to the wisdom of the tribal,
a wisdom that is intimately aware
and respectful of
 the earth and the seasons
and the changes of the human body itself,
and perhaps then we will return
to recognizing the dangers implicit
in those threshold ages --
the teen-aged years,
the menopausal years (for both men & women),
and the years of death.
And perhaps once we recognize the dangers
of those times,
we will honor that, by turning those ages
into ritual years, 
and in doing that, too,
we would restore respect to 
all of the ages of men and women.





But for now,
we leave our children
to encounter
their demons alone.

19 March 2011

Dvinity and the Diva in You



Divinity is the 
                                  imperfection of God;
but it is still the
                              perfection of man.
(Hazrat Inayat Khan The Unity of Religious Ideals, page 119)

Divinity, according to Hazrat Inayat Khan,
is "God personified"
Divinity is the physical manifestaion
of the divine idea
held within the mind
of every man and woman.
"Divinity is reduced God and enlarged man."
Divinity in this equation is
the intersection point,
the intermediary, 
between God and humanity.
Divinity is of God but it is not God.



God is total
unutterable
all,
inconceivable
in words,
capable of conceiving us,
but we
are not capable of conceiving g-d.

The Divine is our route,
it is the nearest we can get
to conceiving the unknown and unknowable
g-d.
The Divine
is God Captive
in the Realm of Humans;
it is the seed planted and engendered there,
by the spark within each of us,
and when we open
our hearts
our mouths
our wombs
to produce our understanding of the 
divine,
we produce
divinity.

In reality, divinity is
the expansion of the human soul;
divinity is human nature
in God. . . . (Inayat Khan, p. 116)
Thus, there are as many deities as there are
perceptions of the divine.

And that is why
we should not,
we must not
chastise another,
              if her
              or his
divinity looks different from our own.
We are all responding to the same compulsion
to represent something sacred,
we who seek the divine are all listening
to the diva inside of us.



Each human carries the seed
of divinity within --

Some religious authorities have tried to recognize the divinity
of Christ while ignoring the divinity of humanity.  They
have tried to make Christ different from what
may be called human; but by doing so they have not been able to keep
the flame alight, for they have covered the main truth that religion
had to give to the world, which was that divinity resides in humanity,
that divinity is the outcome of humanity, and that
humanity is the flower in the heart of which
divinity was born as a seed.
 (Inayat Khan p. 118)
-- I fear these words as much as I see the absolute sense in them.
I know some people may read them and immediately
leave this blog and never return.
That's the risk I take
when I write these nutty entries.
And yet, I write these words here, these words that indicate both
the absolute humanness of Jesus
(who was also divine)
and the potential divinity
of each human.

And it is true.



When Jesus said that the only way to salvation 
is through him,
he didn't mean to deify him,
he meant to work
through him,
through the metaphor he offers
in the script he provided.
It is important to note
right now
that Jesus never wrote down words.
He acted.
His script was one of deed;
it shows us how we all should
act and do if we intend
to embody the divine that dwells
in each of us.

Do not worship Jesus,
worship is a passive act.
Rather,
if you find his story to be a story
that fits your perception of divinity,
well, then,
imitate him,
walk in his shoes,
for the argument Jesus poses
is the most convincing argument
for the end of violence.

Notably,
(and I've said this a few times already)
in our current world
people who do take Jesus' words and actions
literally and live then literally
suffer one of two fates:
* we kill those people, perceiving them to be dangerous
* we chastise and alienate those people, condemning them as ignorant.


The time has come
it is now
to stop killing and chastising
the lovers of peace and truth;
the time has come
to join them.

I am not lying.

I never lie.


We have had our second chances.



The time is now.


My charge is clear; my message, simple:
if we could all just stop this bullshit
and find the divine within ourselves,
and embody that divine, then
without a doubt,

Jesus would come
Jesus would be here.


In that sense, one may call man
a miniature God, and 
it is the development of humanity
which culminates in divinity; thus
Christ is the example of the culmination of humanity
(Inayat-Khan, p. 119)



18 March 2011

Random Thoughts on Ghosts and Earthquakes

I find it kind of curious that
I've been getting a bunch of hits on this blog lately
because a few months ago I wrote
about an app I have on my phone
(You will note, that entry is now my highest ranking entry (see sidebar))

I wish  could report that the Ghost Radar
has continued to crack open the divide
between here and the 
nether world,
and to give me the meaning of life,
but when it suddenly blurted out
a few weeks ago
that some grandmother
had a gun,
I stopped using it.
It does tend to spew out
lists of senseless words,
wherein even the most daring imagination
can find few points of connection.


The other app that I have now
that I find to be far more prescient, accurate
and timely
is something called 


Yeah, that's right,
it's an app that reports
all the earthquakes going on
all over the world.
My family thought I was nuts
when I got it,
but I just have been having a funny feeling about the earth
beneath our feet these days:

Humans continually fight their petty fights
and destroy themselves and each other
when, in fact, there are far greater forces at work
right now.  The earth itself is repositioning,
and meanwhile we
(humanity) 
have our fingers in our ears, and we're
singing really loud.

When I was sitting in the middle of the desert
last week, I checked the QuakeWatch
with some regularity,
as I was very near
a fault line.
One day, one of my fellow desert sitters
informed me
I didn't need my silly app,
because he could hear the earthquakes,
even the small ones.  And then he started telling me 
whenever there was one.

I would check my app, and
he would right.

Meanwhile, too, though,
early last week,
it was hard not to notice
on my trusty little app
something happening in the Pacific
along the Ring of Fire.


So, though I was saddened and horrified
by the magnitude of the Japan Quake,
I was not surprised.


And this had very little to do 
with any prophetic skills:
my iPhone told me.



(Sorry this is a rather sad little entry,
but I got back home from my trip and proceeded to get
quite ill.  Flying on an airplane in the States these days
has the same effect as getting admitted to a hospital:
both make one ill, if one wasn't
ill before.)

Here Comes The (Super) Moon; George Harrison







(Maybe this is why I've been so sick lately)

11 March 2011

desert sun

all photos by Makropoulos
In the desert,
I forgot my name.
I was no longer
Makropoulos,
no
longer
my other name,
no longer
a person with profession
and rank;
I was just


,

grateful for the opportunity to mingle
with dust
and rock
and heat.



I did not write there,
I had no words -- the blue 
of the sky
and the ever changing hue
of the earth
became my only word.



And I felt an absolute
contentment to be in awe,
and utterly overwhelmed
by the earth we live on.


Comfort can be found from simply knowing
one's place.


04 March 2011

haven't too much to share, only a thought and a tear

 
I've been talking to my students lately
about AI
(artificial intelligence)
and we've talked a lot about the question:
if computers can match us intellectually,
then
what makes us different?

A computer is
the extension of 
our brain;
it is
the collective brain
of the best 
                                      or the worst
of humanity.

It is coming to
maturity
                              now.


Meanwhile

we, the childlike
parents of this fumbling monster
need
a computer to read, need
a computer to add, need
a computer to tell us the weather
and the news
and everything in between.
We're not thinking for ourselves,
and
we're numbed by technological overhaul.


I proposed to the students today
that perhaps if we are to keep in step
with computers,
the next step in the evolution
of humankind
is the psychopath:
he or she
who has not emotion,
only brain;
he or she
can match the computer
byte for bite.

I said to my students:
if I could just get rid
of my heart,
I'd be able to groom my brain
to perfection.

It is my emotion,
my heart, that keeps my mind
from flowering.
If I had no emotion,
then I would be able to match
the machine.

One of the girls looked at me
with fiery eyes,
and said to me later:
That's crazy.
You need your heart
to be my teacher.


And I said:
yes.
The heart is the thing
that makes us
hu
man and woman

that's it--
the heart.
And that
is what
I'll keep.



I'm going away for a few days --
stay warm.

01 March 2011

Charlie Sheen and Me




Over the last few days,
I have been continually reminded of the fact
that once upon a time,
I met Charlie Sheen.

Seriously.

I met Charlie Sheen.


It was in a grocery store in Malibu.
I was with an old friend of mine, who
had asked me to help her drive home.

"Driving home" in this case meant
driving from the East Coast to the West Coast,
a journey we took
in  a Drive-Away car, a red Mustang convertable,
packed with someone else's huge collection
of shoes.

My friend's "home" was a rather ordinary ranch-styled house
that happened to be in Sheen's neighborhood.
It belonged to a 
a wealthy plastic surgeon.
She "managed" it for him, and
she was his mistress.

All across the country, she kept telling me
she intended to break up with him,
as soon as she was back on her feet.

Seriously.
(Before I go any further with this tale,
I would like to say: 
she did.)
~*~

Anyway, so there was I,
grocery shopping
in Malibu,
on a hot-steamy July day.


Now, I'll tell you:
one of the reasons you have not seen
my face
is because, at my advanced age,
I'm very bashful - in fact I always have been -
and I'm also very self-conscious
of the arti-face
of it all.  At various times in my current life,
I've also been singularly unimpressed
by people who are overly impressed
with themselves.
So I have made no attempt to look appealing
to them.

I was in that frame of mind
when I met Charlie Sheen.

"Oh, look, there's Charlie," 
my friend had giggled,
and I looked,
and there was Charlie.

Given how old I know I was at the time,
I'd wager he was maybe 24,
in shorts,
and sauntering towards the exit,
carrying a six-pack,
and slightly glassy eyed.

 "Isn't he cute?"
my friend squeeled.
He was.
Sort of.

We went to say hi;
he gave me a quick once over,
a wink, and a smile;
I remember how much I was sweating,
how I probably smiled back 
and said "hi" before glancing out
at a gangly teen-ager
pushing carts across the steaming parking lot,
and Charlie and my girlfriend
exchanged flirtatious small talk,
and then we parted.



I will admit:
At various times since then, I have thought
I should have given Charlie a little more
than the time of day,
but I didn't.


Today, though, I'm very proud
of my naieve wisdom,
because now I can make the following
claim, and it is
an absolute truth:
I am a member of a very elite and, by all reports, very very small group:
that being that handful of women
in the world
who met Charlie Sheen
and didn't end up
in bed with him.