The Revolt Against the Short Life of the iPhone

I'm a very strange chick;

I'll admit that myself.

I can stand in some guy's garage and talk

technology, and actually make sense,

but I also go

way out there, deep into some other domain,

sometimes.

( shopstyle )

Those are my most vulnerable times.

I know that now.

Sometimes I make decisions that even I,

a true chick at her core

despite the brain that is wired

precisely,

like a guy's,

don't understand at first.

( bestpicturesof )

But shortly thereafter, the wisdom of whatever wacky decision I just made

often becomes apparent.

Today I made one of those extraordinarily bizarre decisions,

that kind of decision that would make most people cringe.

( geekblue )

I got rid of my iPhone.

The thing lasted two years - precisely the length

of the contract - and at that point

when the two year contract was over

(or, in their terms, "up for renewal"), 

at that very instant,

my beloved iPhone

transformed into another entity:

( Gaya, Ruang )

it would get frozen and stuck;

it would drop phone calls;

no one could hear me on the other end!;

it would erase all my contacts

for no reason whatsoever; 

it would not open certain apps

(like Facebook and even this blog)

that it used to open mightily.

It had reached the point

of obsolescence.

Of course,

both A, T & T and Verizon

now loomed as potential providers

of the next version of the iPhone,

and another two year plan.

~ ~ ~

So I thought about it:

I thought about the $100.00 I have been forking out every month to ATT for a particular kind of plan

with texting and five friends and the data plan,

and this was for a phone that never worked at my mother's house,

and that was now quite unreliable,

after fulfilling its requisite 2 years.

And I thought about the new MacBook Pro I just purchased

(yowza!)

and I thought about the number of times

in any given day

that my iPhone let me

check my Facebook status,

or the weather in Uruguay,

or the phases of the moon,

or playing some stupid game where I had to use little birds

to knock off monkeys.

And I decided to go get myself a simple talk plan

and what the Verizon sales person called

a "dumb phone."

( verizon )

But I was attracted to not just any dumb phone:

I got myself a Contracter's Phone,

and I think it was the practical

guy side of my brain

that instructed me to do this--

I figured it would be harder to break,

have good speaker phone,

and not risk getting stolen,

and also, I really liked the look of it.

And I am bedazzled:

the phone comes with useful accessories,

like a flashlight or a compass,

not to mention a modest GPS and the program that plays YouTube videos;

and a nice strong case,

and a good camera,

and very good speaker phone,

not to mention the fact that if I have a friend who has one like it,

we can use our phones like walkee talkies.

These activities compose, for me,

about 80% of the things I found myself using

on the iPhone,

and added one that I'd never dreamed of before!

(With the only significant absence being

the absence of the ability to play music,

but I do own an iPod, too.

Silly me.)

So I sold the old sluggish iPhone

back to Verizon, and got $70.00 taken

off my contractor's phone,

and got the thing for $140.00,

with a coupon for another $50.00 off.

Moving to a basic talk plan

will cut my phone bill nearly in half,

and I have this awesome phone!

I think I have the material here to start a 

counter-attack to the domination of the iPhone and now the Droid

on the "cool" cell phone list.

People who are cool

have Basic Plans and Contractor's Phones,

and can walk down the street talking to each other

like they're on walkie talkies.

If all the iPhone users

opted to go this way 

after two years,

we may be able to force Apple

to create an iPhone that lasts

three or four years

and/or can survive

the work of a contractor for that long.

Thus I declare the beginning of the

revolt against the tyranny of the iPhone

on the "cool" market.

( webstockpro) 

(Now, I know that any contractors out there

are reading this and thinking:

I knew that all along, crazy chick!

and my response to that is:

you're right,

and I consider myself chastened, because

now I can clearly see

that those phones that Verizon lovingly calls "dumb"

are really some of the smartest phones

of all!

Planned Obsolescence

It makes only sense that Makropoulos should use a Macintosh.  The other day, I went to turn on my iBook G4, and was writing away when the screen went blank.

Now some might call this their trusty old friend, but honestly, it's only four years old.  When you've lived as long as I have, four years is equivalent of the amount of time it takes to squeeze a pimple.

I remember when I brought the thing: I was very proud and excited.  This world of computers has long struck me as a esthetically very functional, until I really started paying attention to Macs.  I mean, let's consider it, now: as I've said here already somewhere, and countless others have observed, every new advancement in technology has served to extend some part of the human body, and the computer is the extension of our brain.  We don't think much about what our brains look like; luckily they're stored within heads, which, for the most part, are pleasant to look at.  If we were to walk around with exposed brains, we would find a way to adorn them.   Of course, if our brains were exposed, they might even become yet another measure of our appeal, or even our sexual prowess, so we may find ways to make them look extraordinarily erotic.  Glitter, perhaps, or fishnet coverings.

But I digress.

Computers, as I say, are extensions of our brains; they are our brains made visible.  Until fairly recently, the only computer company that made any attempt to make the brain sexy was Macintosh.  So of course I had to have one.

When I got it, I had to pay over a period of time, a practice that makes me very uneasy.  I was raised in an era in which if you couldn't pay on the spot, or trade something for your desired object, then you couldn't have it.  The world was a much happier place then, and most people, for the most part, had what they needed and were happy with it.  But I paid for my Macintosh over a year's time.  The saleswoman said I could even do it over two year's time, and I just shook my head.  She continued: "and then you'll be getting another."  As if that was expected.

So I have stubbornly resisted the planned obsolescence of my iBook, until this morning.  Of course, in the meantime, I went and got another Mac - a Mac Mini, which I attached to my un-Mac TV, and than of course my iPod, and then my iPhone, not necessarily acquired in that order.  Macs are a bit like M&M's - you can't eat just one.

When the iBook took a dive, though, I began to come to terms with the fact it was literally built to do that.  Indeed, all really high technology is built to be obsolete, because designers who design high technology know that in a few years, they'll come up with a better model, and this one will be passe.  And whoever buys high technology will no doubt want to the newer one in a few years.  And I guess it's true; I do.

Strangely, the same day my Mac began to sputter, so too did a part of my body.  After all these centuries, I detect that there may be something in my body that is tiring, something that is longing to be part of a newer model.

It was not my legs, which are divine, nor was it my lips, which out lip the most botoxed of beauties.  It was not my breasts, which aren't too big, or too small; it was not my eyes, which still make men cry.  And it wasn't my hair, which is still a lovely golden shade, or my teeth, which have never seen a scrap of metal to straighten them.  No, these things are just as they have always been, to a point where they really bore me. 

No, it was nothing visible that gave me a reminder of the fact that perhaps even I would become obsolete.

It was my heart.  Such a poorly planned organ, with such a huge job.  It is the motor to the machine we all travel in.  And it is also the physical seat of our emotions, of our love.

To hold our love in such a fleshy thing is just absurd.  Because love is so large, and hearts are only tissue.

Planned obsolescence.

I look forward to seeing, and knowing, what the next better model will be for the human heart; the model that will be able to hold love, even through the most tumultuous times.  But even that will be designed with one eye towards the fact that there will be a better model, still, in four more years. 

I wonder if Apple will design it, that new heart.   Perhaps it will be a piece of technology, programmed to love on command.  And not remember, and not hurt.  That might be far more efficient than the current state of affairs.

For now, I'll start thinking about getting a new MacBook, though I really can't afford one right now.  Like this old heart, I'll see how long I can make the iBook endure.

I need it to work for me, a little while longer.